Tijuana Style Tacos

Vegan TJ Tacos

I miss the days I’d go down to TJ to go see a hardcore show, and a bunch of friends and I would stop at one of the many little taco shops and eat 25 cent tacos and drink dollar coronas till the show started. For under 10 bucks you could get a nice buzz and fill yourself full of delicious mini meat tacos. I always called them “homeless tacos” as I wasn’t totally convinced the meat was animal.

Anyways, in my post meat eating days now, I can recreate the same thing at home…as good luck finding anything vegan in Mexico unless you want a salsa and avacado taco.

First step is the beans. You have to make them from scratch.  They taste better, it’s way cheaper, and you’re making less waste. Soak the beans overnight, although I prefer 24 hours. Rinse as the soak water apparantely contains a lot of the magic fart molecules that beans have. I can’t confirm this as I’m too scared to ever make some beans with the fart water. One day I’ll try it out.

I cook the beans in a crock pot. It’s nice and easy and you dont have to watch them as much as you would if you were cooking them in a pan. It’s around 3-4 hours of cooking in my crock pot. But you have to just taste them as theyre cooking. You’ll know when they’re done. I also don’t season while I’m cooking, but I know people who slowly add salt while they are cooking the beans. Each to their own.

Ok, beans are done…now what? Dice up one onion and 3 cloves of garlic. Sautee the onions a bit in some oil but not too long. Then add 2 cups cooked beans along with some of the cooking water. I just took my 1 cup measure cup and dipped it into the crock pot and filled it with beans and whatever water was with it was along for the ride. If things seem a bit dry add some more cooking water. Keep everything on medium heat and throw in the garlic and spices. Spices are as follows and these are rough estimates on the amount. I used 2 cups cooked beans so this equaled 1 TB cumin, 1.5 Tsp paprika, 1 Tsp chili powder (if you have it, I prefer New Mexico Chili powder), 1 Tsp cayanne. Salt and Pepper to taste. If you don’t have cumin and paprika on hand then you should’nt be trying to make mexican food anyways.

Now you have a decision to make. How hot do you like your food? I’m a bit masochistic, so I put in a jalapeno and a two serranos per 2 cups beans. I like nice big chunks of them too, as you can see in the picture. But if you’re a little wimpy baby then you should probably not put in anything…better yet go get some tacos at Chevys or something. Seriously if you’re a total hot food wimp then you should probably not add the cayanne or chili powder too. But really, dont be a baby. If you dont like hot then at least throw in some anaheim chilis or poblanos or something…jesus.

Ok so lower the heat some and let all the flavors cook together and get all sexy together. I mean it is sexy. All the flavors mingling together, being dirty. Pinto beans are dirty food. They’re the kind of legume that wants to dry hump in the park on a sunday afternoon…who gives a shit if there are kids around. Who wouldnt have a food boner at this point in the cooking with such dirty sexy beans?

Since I failed at truely authentic and did not have any tomatos and cilantro and lemon or limes on hand I could not make a proper Salsa Fresca to put on top. I also failed with no avacado too. So with this situation I do not have perfect tacos…but I’m resourceful. I dug out the The Uncheese Cookbook and altered a bit the Instant Cheez It dry mix.

1 C Flour, 1 C Nut Yeast, 2 Tsp salt, 1 Tsp veggie broth powder, 1 Tsp paprika, 1/2 Tsp garlic powder, 1/2 Tsp mustard powder. Shake all this good shit all together in some tupperware. Now you’re ready to party.

Put a cup of this mix into a small sauce pot, add a cup of water and mix it together while its on med low heat. Now as some on the PPK mention, that my cheese sauce looks “silky smooth” . The secret….2 TBs earth balance. Melt that stuff in there..and then add water if its all too thick for you, make sure it sort of cooks together and the flour and stuff will thicken, but just stir it a bunch and itll be awesome.

Youre almost done. Break out a third pan and put it on the stove on med hi heat. No oil. When its nice and hot grab your corn tortillas and throw one of those bad boys on there. Let it sit for about 15-20 seconds, and flip it over. Let it sit another 10 seconds…now youre ready. Throw it on a plate, scoop some of the bean mix onto it, then drizzle some cheesy sauce on top. You are gold. Repeat until full or foods gone. Seriously the best way to eat this is just right in your kitchen while the tortillas are still nice and hot.

I was farting a fair amount last night after eating like 6 of these. They didnt really smell though, so enjoy.


I have important stuff to say

Actually I really dont. I also dont like to use punctuation. But I used to write funny stuff on my Myspace blog until it got deleted for inappropriate content. Since then I havent done dick, and sort of miss writing stuff, even if its mostly retarded drunken drivel. People seemed to like it. I swear theyre not just being nice to me either!

Anyways, I wasted all my creativity on that sweet fucking banner you see above you, so this is all anyones getting right now.

Indoor Garden Boner

So I got this bug up my ass to start an indoor herb garden awhile back. Unfortunantely once I started I naturally became completely out of control and started planting from seed a bunch of things. At the moment I have currently sprouting from seed: cherry tomatos, basil, cilantro, parsley, jalapeno, eggplant, and sweet peppers. Also I currently have cerranos and bell peppers pissing me off by not sprouting.


I knew I was keeping all those old Earth Balance and Tofutti containers for something important. Also check out how totally shitty the house next to my apartment is. Who needs a fucking roof when you can just overlap peices of particle board on top of each other. One time a friend of mine upon waking up from a heavy night of drinking ventured outside to smoke and exlaimed “where the fuck am I, in Tijauna?”


And then like a maniac the other day I bought seeds for lettuce, baby carrots, dill, broccoli, radishes, and green onions.

People have told me often that Im not going to be able to grow most of these things sucessfully, but Im too stubborn to listen. We’ll see.

I also have a revolutionary approach to growing hot peppers. I treat them like shit. I yell at them and blast only the most black of black metal in hopes of filling them with evil and making them fiery hot.


As you can see Im totally wishing hatred upon my jalapenos here. I think its working as theyre growing all scared like against the side of the container. Those bad boys are going to be filled with fear and burn my ring out.